Why Pallavi Dhawan needs all the support she can muster

Motherhood is perhaps the most celebrated role ever discovered. And it is touted to be to the acme of every woman's life as per the Indian culture. But few understand (or even make an effort) the trials and tribulations a women undergoes when she assumes a responsibility of such proportions.

Apart from the emotional (Read hormonal) highs and lows, motherhood takes a physical and mental toll on a woman. While sleepless nights, the need to be on guard 24 x 7 and additional household responsibilities drain a women of all her physical energy, additional factors like an absentee partner, lack of emotional support and loss of financial independence/social stimulation (if she has to quit her job to care for the baby) turn her into a time-bomb waiting to explode.

The above condition is often termed as postpartum depression ( more commonly known as baby blues ) but I wanted to take a more holistic view of the changes that a woman's life undergoes after having a baby. And it will be a generalized view keeping in mind that I do not hold a psychiatrist or a medical degree.

Some of the symptoms to look out for postpartum depression:
1. Anxiety
2. Unable to connect with the baby or people surrounding you
3. Weight gain/loss which is significant
4. Loss of sleep/concentration/energy
5. Feelings of low self-esteem
6. Thoughts of suicide or harming the baby
7. Affected problem solving ability

The above symptoms should ideally get over by the 2nd week after delivery. But if they persist for any longer, one should consult the doctor.

I really do not know why I chose Pallavi Dhawan as the talking point of this article. And I am not trying to jump into any conclusions about whether she did it or not. Also I am not trying to say that she was suffering from postpartum depression (Heck..I even do not know if it can linger for such duration). For some reason the predicament of the 30 something mother from Frisco who is accused of murdering her 10 year old son made me write this article. It is sad to see that a former NASA programmer who quit her job to care for her baby has to face such a heart-wrenching murder charge.

Few people try to fathom the emotional upheavals that a career woman undergoes when she has to quit a job and care for her baby. Loss of freedom, financial independence and lack of social stimulation have a big impact on her self esteem. Quite a few women feel unworthy and try to make up for it by establishing themselves as good mothers. But a wailing/colicky baby is quite a handful and more. And at times this feeling of total helplessness/desperation demonstrates itself in such horrendous ways. But there are signs which indicate whether a woman is suffering from such depression and I am sure they would be present in case of this lady too ( if at all she suffers from it).

In a way this article is more relevant for the family members of a woman who has recently delivered a baby and seems to be quite out of sorts. They need to recognize such behavioral deviations and address the issue at hand. It is nothing that some counselling and emotional support cannot tackle.

Ovulation Date : How to get it right ?

Ovulation is the act of releasing the mature egg or 'Ovum' by one of the ovaries. Since it is the best time ( Ok..THE ONLY TIME ) to get pregnant, it is important for young couples to keep a track of it. Whether you are trying to conceive or avoiding it.

Since the ovum remains viable only for a window of 12 to 24 hours after its release, couples planning for a baby need to time their intercourse 2-3 days prior to the expected ovulation date. That is because the sperm can stay alive and kicking up to a period of 5 days ( but we will take it as 3 to be on the safer side ).

Knowing the exact date of ovulation would be quite ideal but since it is rather tough to predict, we can follow the below mentioned guidelines to find the most probable 2-3 days when chances of getting pregnant happen to be the highest:

1. Keep a track of your basal temperature. A specially designed temperature can be used to measure the basal temperature every morning upon waking up and before getting out of bed. Since the basal temperature records an immediate increase (about half a degree)when the ovum is released, it can be monitored to predict the day when ovulation occurs during each cycle.

2. Keep a check on your vaginal discharge. The discharge tends to be more around the time of ovulation and it has a clear appearance and is quite stretchy if you feel it with your hands (Very different from the thick gummy discharge that one has immediately after the periods). Other than lubricating the vagina for comfortable intercourse, it also carries the sperms to the egg.

3. Notice any pain in the lower abdomen around the expected date of ovulation. This is also called 'ovulation pain' and occurs either on the left or right side (depends on the ovay from which the egg was released).

4. Revisit your high school biology books. Ideally ovulation should occur between the 12-14th day of a menstrual cycle (which is 28 days long). Since a menstrual cycle varies from 23-35 days i different women, the ovulation date would vary accordingly.

5. Get a Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK). They measure the hormone (Luteinizing hormone) levels in your urine and give a positive result 1-2 days before you ovulate. But for women with an irregular cycle, it might take more than 1 kit/month  to predict the ovulation date. Also they do not work well if one is undergoing any fertility treatment.
Plus they are quite costly ( Rs 500 approx for 1 kit having 5 strips ). Buy it on ebay.in(HERE) or healthkart.com.

[Note - To use a ovulation predictor kit one has to keep some points in mind.

1. Best time to take the test is sometime around noon or in the afternoon.

2. Do not drink too much water 3-4 hours prior to taking test. Diluted urine may not show proper levels of the LH.

3. Best to try and take the test around the same time everyday.

4. Compare your results with the control band. If lighter line or no line appears, then it is negative. For a positive result, the line should be of equal or darker intensity than that of the control.]

Flaunt that luscious mane (and nails too)

If there was one thing that perked me up every single day during my pregnancy, it was the state of my hair and nails. I never had a single bad hair day and my tresses started looking thicker and shinier than ever. Even my usually soft nails which are prone to breaking at regular intervals became stronger and healthier than before. It just seemed like a bonus. Luckily most women can look forward to god hair days when pregnant and get those manicures that they have always envied.

Though the effect wears off 3-6 months after the baby is born, the short period of bliss is worth relishing. (But you will be among the grateful ones if you have been sprouting hair in unwanted places as well.....well that's a drawback but nothing that a session of shaving/waxing/threading cannot handle)

Normally hair growth follows a cycle at the end of which the hair shaft falls off. It is the rush of extra hormones in the body during a pregnancy which leads to a lengthening of the hair cycle. That is hair which would have normally fallen off during this period stays on thanks to the effect of the hormones ( I feel some credit should be given to the supplements as well). This is what makes your mane look dense. And with the extra blood and nutrients circulating in the system, hair looks better nourished too ( at least the roots do ).

But looking after long hair can be difficult during pregnancy and trust me it gets tougher after the baby is born. I had long hair during my pregnancy which kept proliferating and i felt bad about cutting it. But once baby was born, i really rued the decision. I could not wait to get away to a salon and have a cut (but it was three months before I could do so and it was the most trying time I ever had). Washing and drying long hair is tough but with a ever demanding baby it just cant get worse.

Some hair care tips during pregnancy -

1. Get that haircut. Invest in a layered style as it shows off the volume (ahh...a plus) of your hair.

2. Do not bend over or jerk your head suddenly when washing hair. It may lead to getting a bout of dizziness or nausea. Ask your partner for help if required.

3. Switch to fragrance free shampoos if you find your regular one a bit overwhelming.

4. Most OTC dandruff shampoos are OK. But check with your doctor if using a medicated one.

5. Avoid hair coloring unless it is an absolute must but do go for a henna session if you wish. Stay away from hair treatments that call for the use of chemicals.

6. Some doctors ask to stay away from hair spas after the sixth month of pregnancy. It is because the head rest on which the neck is put during a hair wash tends to compress the nerves leading to the brain. In rare cases, it may lead to a clot and seizure.

7. Eat well ( read proteins and vitamins ) and drink sufficient water.

If you happen to be one of the few unfortunate ones to experience hair loss during pregnancy, do consult a doctor. Stick to following a regular hair care routine along with a good diet. last but not the least, keep heart. The hormones that are creating havoc in your life will soon be a thing of the past.

Ultrasounds : How often is Safe ??

Ultrasounds or scans are a normal part of a pregnant woman's medical checkup routine. They use sound waves to map the uterus and the developing baby. Depending upon the doctor's recommendations, it could be either an abdominal one (the probe is placed over the abdomen) or a vaginal one (the probe is inserted into the vagina). The latter one provides a better view of the internal organs, namely the uterus and the ovaries.

Usually doctors in India recommend 3-4 scans for every pregnant women. The first one is during the 8-10th week and used to rule out any ectopic pregnancy or uterine defects.  One is also expected to hear the fetal heartbeats for the first time and measure the due date. Many doctors differ on this one.

The second one is at 20 weeks to rule out any problems with the baby's development. Any deformities can be easily detected at this stage.

The third one is in the 5th month. It is to monitor the baby's development.

The fourth and last one is in the 9th month. This makes a final note of the position of the baby (i.e., if its head had come down, nuchal cord complications, etc).

If you are in the high-risk category (like diabetes or hypertension), then the doctor may recommend a few more. In my case, the doctor had asked for a scan in the 6th week to confirm the pregnancy. This is quite unnecessary and hospitals usually do it for making some extra money.

Some do's and dont's before going for a scan:

1. Tank up on loads of water. The ultrasound gives better results if your abdomen is fully distended. Ideally you should have the urge to pee before going for a scan.

2. Wear clean clothes and underwear.

3. Avoid going for a scan on a full stomach. It is difficult to get a clear view with all that solid stuff floating around.

4. Avoid consuming any food that may cause abdominal gas to build up. 

Working out during pregnancy

Working out during pregnancy helps to keep your weight in check, improves sleep, relieves backache and helps return to normal weight post delivery. It also prepares one's body for childbirth. Do check with your doctor before taking up any exercise. Most doctors readily give the go-ahead if your pregnancy does not fall in the high-risk category.

However there are some do's and dont's that one should keep in mind:

1. Eat a light snack before working out. This keeps sugar levels normal and prevent one from getting dizzy.

2. Drink lots of water throughout to keep yourself hydrated. This prevents the body temperature from rising during a workout.

3. Wear loose fitting clothes and good supportive shoes. Breathable clothes that allow for circulation help keep body temperature in check. A good maternity bra help prevent sagging and muscle strain due to the increased weight.

4. Always start with a warm-up session.

5. Move slowly. Swift movements may cause you to get dizzy and lose balance as the center of gravity also changes during pregnancy. Best exercises during pregnancy are walking, swimming, pre-natal yoga and low impact aerobics. Another excellent workout is Kegels.

6. Do not exercise while lying on your back after the 3rd month. This puts pressure on the vene cava which is a major vein and may result in dizziness.

7. Lunges and sit-ups may cause strain on the ligaments. Hence avoid the former exercises.

8. Stop working out if you feel hot, breathless or just about any kind of discomfort/pain. Take frequent breaks while working out.

9. Do not workout in the sun or if it is too humid. It raises the body temperature which can be harmful for the fetus.

10. Remember to cool down before you stop. This helps to bring down the heart rate gradually and prevents and dizziness.

11. You may need to consume a few extra calories if you are exercising during pregnancy. Check with your doctor if your weight gain is below normal.

Swelling and Joint Pains during Pregnancy

Swelling and joint pains are a part and parcel of pregnancy. Most women experience different degrees of swelling/joint pains during pregnancy. This condition is referred to as 'Edema' in medical terms.

During pregnancy the amount of body fluids increase by almost fifty percent. And most of this fluid is concentrated around the baby which causes swelling mostly in the lower part of the body. The increasing weight of the baby also contributes to building up pressure in the vein, especially in the legs. But quite a few women experience swelling in their fingers too. Water retention only makes the problem worse.

The joints pains are nature way of softening/loosening the joints to allow easy passage of the baby during labor. However the secreted hormones (mainly relaxin) do not discriminate among the different joints present in the human body. They affect all other joints along with the pelvic joints and hence the pains.

But watch out for any sudden swelling (especially in the third trimester) as it could be a sign of pre-eclampsia.

One can follow the points mentioned below for some relief ( the symptoms will not go away altogether) :

1. Drink lots of water. It helps to rid the body of excess fluids and toxins.

2. Reduce caffeine intake.

3. Sleep with your feet up. This helps reduce ankles and feet swellings.

4. Run cold water over your fingers if they are swollen and throbbing. This really worked in my case.

5. Increase potassium intake and cut back on the sodium. Avoid packaged stuff that is high on added salt and sugar.

6. Avoid standing for long periods of time. And do not cross your legs while sitting down. If possible, use a foot stool to keep them up.

7. Consume foods that are high on water content and natural diuretics.

Note - Remove any finger rings and bangles before it gets too snug ( usually in the 6th or 7th month). This is especially true for Indian women who love putting on these accessories. Try buying some bracelets/bangles/rings which open from the middle/have screws.

Spa Hopping during Pregnancy: Do's and Dont's

A pampering session at a spa is a dream come true for every pregnant women. With pregnancy taking its toll on most pregnant ladies, the urge to look and feel good only gets stronger. But one should be aware of the pro's and con's of certain procedures before opting for them. Here is a small checklist for your reference:

1. Hair coloring/perming/straightening - Most of these procedures involve a lot of chemicals (especially ammonia). The best time to get any of these done is during the second trimester. And try to go for highlights instead of a global hair color as the former minimizes involves no contact with skin and eliminates any fumes (usually the highlighted hair is encased in a foil). Henna is also a good and natural option for dark haired beauties.

In case you opt for a hair color, ensure proper ventilation so that you are not over-exposed to the chemical fumes.

2. Eyebrows/Upper lips/Chin - Threading is fine and so is waxing if done by expert hands. Stay away from hair removing creams as the skin turns sensitive during pregnancy.

3. Facials - Facials sound really soothing when you have skin that has been behaving like a tyrant. But tread with caution. Avoid aromatherapy facials unless you are aware of the side-effects, if any. Also opt for something that you have already tried earlier and that too in a milder form to prevent irritating the skin. Avoid retinol that is present in most anti-aging facials. Take care to ensure that you are comfortable with adequate pillows an cushions to prop you up.

4. Body waxing/shaving - Waxing hands and legs is ok. Just be careful with varicose veins if any. Also avoid waxing the chest/belly areas. Needless to say, a bikini wax is out of bounds.

Shaving is also fine. Stay way from hair removal creams.

5. Manicures /Pedicures - These are again very soothing and actually relaxes the taut/over-stretched muscles. But stay away from aromatherapy ones unless aware of their side-effects. Avoid nail-paints that have toluene, formaldehyde and dibutyl phthalate. Brands like Zoya and Kaia House have nail paints that are free from these deadly trio (Buy on Junglee / Amazon).

Ensure that you are comfortably propped up during the procedure.

6. Massage - A soothing neck, shoulder and low back massage is sure to drive away most of those pregnancy blues (at least temporarily). While using any essential oil, do check that the masseur is well aware of its effect on pregnant women. Essential oils are very potent and can greatly benefit one when used in a proper manner.

Needless to say, ensure that you are in a comfortable position throughout the massage. Drink sufficient water and walk around after every one hour to keep circulation going.

7. The big No-No's during pregnancy are steam baths, Jacuzzis, hot water tubs and saunas. They raise your body temperature which in turn raises the temperature of the fetus. This can lead to birth defects so stay away from such treatments.

Check the credentials of the spa and ensure they have sufficient training to administer any of the above treatments to pregnant women. Ensure that the place is hygienic and well ventilated.